I’ve decided that everybody needs to write a blog.
Or if not a blog - a diary, a ‘journal’, a letter you never intend on sending, a letter you do intend on sending…
Whatever the method, I encourage you to get writing!
It’s incredibly cathartic.
It connects us with our emotional centres and helps us clear out the nonsense within the stories we tell ourselves - nonsense that we just don’t see until it’s written out in front of us.
It’s incredibly therapeutic (there’s a reason I send every private client a Chasing Lobsters notebook as soon as we start working together).
There’s medicine to be found within our words!
This came up trumps for me as I sat down to write this week’s blog post and give you all a little update on our movements (and address the tumble weeds that have been blowing about Chasing Lobsters recently.)
It was only as I began to write that I realised something;
I’ve only been back in the UK two weeks.
In my head it feels at least a month a go that Max and I flew home from Turkey and left Graham and his Dad to wrap up the house and drive our car back.
Within that time-warped (or just plain warped) mindset, I’ve (almost) really given myself a hard time;
Why haven’t I established a routine for healthy habits yet?
Why haven’t I organised set hours of childcare for Max yet?
Why haven’t I hit the ground running with that Chasing Lobsters project yet?
Why haven’t I been doing ALLLLLL the things that I know serve me well consistently in my days yet???
Why haven’t I…
Why haven’t I…
Why haven’t I…
Well how about because it’s ONLY BEEN TWO WEEKS!!!
Two weeks ago, I left my life overseas with it’s routines, systems, space and have come home to my parents’ house where there are people, family, good food, bad food, different spaces, old habits, historic triggers, SO much loveliness but SO much change.
And the truth is , I was not as prepared for it as I could have been. Or perhaps a deeper truth is, I’m not sure I could ever have known HOW to truly prepare for this as it’s all such uncharted territory.
I’m temporarily living with my parents, after an international house move; my first as a mum, whilst my husband works away and all of our belongings are in transit. Max has decided waking between 4.30-5.30am is his new favourite thing, childcare for him is not yet the structured system I aim for so my working hours are ‘fluid’, and quite frankly, I have been feeling a bit lost.
So I came to write about some of this and share a few things;
How I’m realising that even two minutes of meditating or journalling helps me reconnect with myself and that feeling of peace within.
How I’ve learned that if I give myself permission to flow with it all rather than judge the lack of structure, I actually find more calm within it.
How a focus towards gratitude for what is beautiful about this time rather than criticism of all that is ‘wrong’ (different) creates a far more joyful experience of it all.
But as I sat down to pen (or pad) those insights, I suddenly realised - it’s only been two weeks, and actually permitting myself a bit of grace and compassion for out-of-ordinary behaviours within this out-of-ordinary time period is probably ok. In fact, it’s essential.
The trouble is, I strive for greatness.
So, if I’m not feeling totally vibrant, joyful and like I’m really thriving, well, I want to know what I could’a/should’a/would’a done differently to create a better experience.
I look to learn so in future, I can take a different route.
But this time things feel different.
I think what I’m learning this time is that sometimes, life really is challenging, and your habits and routines may slip or change, sometimes that’s within your control, sometimes it’s not… But within that change, if you are not kind to yourself, if you are not compassionate about the magnitude of what you’re going through, if you diminish the truth of your experience and apply expectations of how you ‘should’ be doing within it all - well, you’re setting yourself you a miserable experience.
I’ve been home for just two weeks.
Things have been challenging.
Things have been lovely.
Things have ultimately been different.
But chastising myself about my shifting, adapting and bending within those differences is not going to help. Being unkind within it is not going to help. Disconnecting and numbing from it all is not going to help.
But apparently writing a blog about it is!
Acknowledging the truth of my experience and being loving and kind within it is.
Giving myself permission to find myself again within the change and without judgement, is.
So that is where I am.
I am doing ok, really I am, but in amongst all the beauty of being ‘home’ it has been tough, and that also is ok. As always, I am doing my very best to find my way and Chasing Lobsters has NOT gone away… but I expect you all probably knew that as it’s only been two weeks. ;-)
Isn’t it funny how sometimes a reality check is all you need? That my friends, is where the writing comes in!
So much love,